Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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