In America we eat man semen.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
