you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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