There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
