I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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