you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
