do herpes really smell.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
