Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
