Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
