Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
