i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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