just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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