It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
