i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
