I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
