Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
