fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
