Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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