I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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