Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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