tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can I color on your dick again?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
