Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So. Much. Porn.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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