conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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