The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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