Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All I want is dick and wine.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
