if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
