He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
