The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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