I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision