he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize