So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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