Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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