I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
