Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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