chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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