Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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