Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
