i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
