she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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