I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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