you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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