Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
