i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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