so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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