And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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