I wish my penis had an off switch
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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