Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
