what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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