youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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