At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
