Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
