you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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