Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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