mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ugly people sure do ruin things
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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