My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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